Sunday is fathers day. At a Hallmark store the other day, it hit me - the sad realization that this will be another Father's Day celebrated without a father in my life. He died 13 years ago of lung cancer. He loved to smoke, and it was that very love that took him from us early - age 58.
I looked around and saw others scanning through the cards and somehow I felt cheated that my father was gone. There is still a sense of unreality about his death and it hurts knowing that I am continuing to live without him. Facing obstacles in life, making hard everyday decisions, parenting my children without a grandfather, and venturing into all kinds of new stages in my life. I was close to my father and it was difficult to watch him, once so active, become silent, and still. Feelings that I have never shared with others. When he died, I felt a part of my childhood had died too. His death -so final and irrevocable.
For those of you who still have your father, celebrate his life. Don't make this special day just a day to buy a card - or a day that you have to go out and get a tie or socks, but a day to celebrate everything! When he is gone you will remember all the things you wanted to say and do , but never did. I still think about those things today...even after 11 years. I found myself in Hallmark for this sentimental day buying a card for my dear husband - a great father to our wonderful girls and that brings me peace.
I looked around and saw others scanning through the cards and somehow I felt cheated that my father was gone. There is still a sense of unreality about his death and it hurts knowing that I am continuing to live without him. Facing obstacles in life, making hard everyday decisions, parenting my children without a grandfather, and venturing into all kinds of new stages in my life. I was close to my father and it was difficult to watch him, once so active, become silent, and still. Feelings that I have never shared with others. When he died, I felt a part of my childhood had died too. His death -so final and irrevocable.
For those of you who still have your father, celebrate his life. Don't make this special day just a day to buy a card - or a day that you have to go out and get a tie or socks, but a day to celebrate everything! When he is gone you will remember all the things you wanted to say and do , but never did. I still think about those things today...even after 11 years. I found myself in Hallmark for this sentimental day buying a card for my dear husband - a great father to our wonderful girls and that brings me peace.
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