I have always considered myself the Queen of Multitasking. I could pay bills, make dinner, and update the family calendar - all at the same time and not miss a beat. If I'm standing in line at the grocery store, or if I'm sitting at a red light - I compose my little to -do lists. Recently I managed to update a facebook page, balance my checkbook, purchase tickets for springbreak, and wash two loads of laundry within a few minutes. I congratulate myself for stuffing every single moment of every single day with important and productive tasks. But lately, things have gotten a little crazy. I'm consumed with time - not enough! I notice that I have started putting time limits on everything - even the fun stuff. I think - ok - you have 10 minutes to get this done, or 5 minutes to read that magazine before I have to do this or that. I catch myself saying uh-huh a bunch of times and nod while a little voice in my brain screams, if you could just stop talking soon I might be able to make it to the bank before the drive through closes. Somehow I've turned into a monster of multitasking.
But tonight - I got a wakeup call. I am so busy checking things off my to do lists that I'm barely present in my own life. Human contact, family time, fun, time with my mom. I have sacrificed much to efficiency. I'm so busy speeding ahead that I haven't taken the time to enjoy all the lovely moments that make up my day. I often remember the times of snuggling on the coach with Jillian and Christie, or kissing them before they drifted off to sleep every night. I can remember the joys of cooking dinner at night or a full breakfast Sunday morning. I remember the long talks at night with my girls...talking about how everybody's day was and what was in store for the days to come. I remember a lingering hug from Ed as we would leave for work in the morning. I remember the laughter, the smiles, the hugs, the love.... I remember.
But now - as I watch mom drift into a world of her own, those memories are fading from her. The everyday moments, the conversations, the hugs, the kisses, are not memories any more. It breaks my heart that the mutlitasker that I am - slowly means nothing, if the moments can not be remembered any more. I'm having to relearn that past paces and efficiency are not important and what is important is the moment. Because for some - that moment will not be remembered at all, but will be enjoyed as it happens. This is the real life - a moment in time that deserves my full attention no matter how long or how detailed....a moment in time that is only important as the seconds click by.
I love you mom....that I hope you will always remember